The Good Times Are Killing Me

Sometimes things have to hit rock bottom before going up again. I feel that this is the case with vampire stories: over the years the image of the monster became less frightening and more desirable, no longer giving voice to our fears but embodying the danger and sexiness of the “bad boy” we all wanted to be with at some point in our lives. Halloween parties are filled with slutty vampire costumes, successful movies make money with vegetarian blood suckers, and the typical paranormal romance library shelf is brimming over with vampire teenage drama. But, as I said before, maybe this had to happen before writers felt the need to go back to the basics and started delivering good, old fashioned bloody plots with the evil monsters I loved and feared so much as a little kid. In “Draculas” you won’t meet lost souls looking for redemption. You won’t find sexy-looking children of the night willing to make your fantasies come true (unless your biggest dream consists of being torn apart and having your organs ripped by huge monster fangs), and you definitely will not come across sparkly teenagers wanting to blend in with the oh so lovable human crowd. Absolutely NOT. What you will find though, is a fun story with crazy vampires that look like a mix between a shark from hell, a zombie (think fast, filled with rage, zombies), and a b-movie abomination. I’m talking about vampires that will stop at nothing to suck you dry, that need to be constantly in search of blood, and that at times can reason to the point of becoming even more terrifying, or hilarious. They’re not stopped by crosses, garlic, the bible, a stake through the heart, or daylight. The only way to kill them is to aim for the complete annihilation of the head, and even then, sometimes, you’ll find trouble. These are the monsters you don’t want to find outside your window looking in, or trying to kiss you in your sleep. Oh no. And if you showed up to a Halloween party looking like one of these beast you’ll turn heads, and then cause a few cases of nausea and pant wetting. “Draculas” starts with a fresh, original premise: A millionaire with terminal cancer centers his last hope of recovery on what seems to be the skull of Dracula, found in Romania. After stabbing himself in the neck with the thing’s inhuman fangs, he’s transported to a rural hospital, where all hell breaks loose. Throughout the book we follow several characters as they try to survive the horror (or gather as much delicious blood as possible), and the ride is a lot of fun. There is plenty of gore to keep you gagging, and the over the top scenes abound with clichés that make you laugh and be afraid at the same time. The action is non-stop, (I sometimes wished for a slower pace), but in every scene you could tell that the authors had fun writing this novel, trying to top each other and letting loose parts of their imagination that probably wouldn’t fit in their “normal” work. They also proved that the vampire genre still has potential for reinvention, and that horror fans can hope and expect future novels that will just barely come short of literary sucking the blood out of them. So anyway, awesome, fun story. Highly recommended for people who think that true vampire books are extinct.